“The Mess of Love” by D H Lawrence…

Good evening,

My Literature professor has been reccomending the reading of a certain poem over a few weeks now. I caught up on it today, and was amazed to find how, well, radical it was! It is almost as if running at a speed of 100 kmph and ramming into a solid wall! A quite different view of “Love” as such! Without much further ado, let me introduce to you, “The Mess of Love” by D H Lawrence…

The Mess of Love

We’ve made a great mess of love
Since we made an ideal of it.

The moment I swear to love a woman, a certain woman, all my life
That moment I begin to hate her.

The moment I even say to a woman: I love you! —
My love dies down considerably.

The moment love is an understood thing between us, we are sure of it,
It’s a cold egg, it isn’t love any more.

Love is like a flower, it must flower and fade;
If it doesn’t fade, it is not a flower,
It’s either an artificial rag blossom, or an immortelle, for the cemetery.

The moment the mind interferes with love, or the will fixes on it,
Or the personality assumes it as an attribute, or the ego takes possession of it,
It is not love any more, it’s just a mess.
And we’ve made a great mess of love, mind-perverted, will-perverted, ego-perverted love.
- © 1929 D. H. Lawrence

Now that we have finished reading and assimilating the poem,  I would like to comment on a few of his ideas. He goes against the very traditional notions that “love is eternal” as narrated by Shakespeare and Wordsworth. He says that if an individual realizes he/she is in love, then it isnt love anymore. In other words, you realize that you’re in love only when the relationship about to fall apart. Quite a shock for movie directors :D .

We see movies and soaps which go like “I love you, I love you, I love you……….”  and so on and so forth. According to Lawrence, that realization is like the last furious flame of a candle before its estinguished. Interesting field of thought. I wouldnt agree much with it, but I cant be too firm in my opinion since I have never been in a true relationship myself.

But then, most of the people disagree with most of Lawrence’s works, thus I guess I’m justified in my opinion. Maybe Lawrence was a revolutionist, and that’s why we fail to recognize the beauty in the work.

Despite all this, and something I found different from the different reviews of the poem I read, is that it seems like the entire crux of the poem lies in the last line “And we’ve made a great mess of love, mind-perverted, will-perverted, ego-perverted love.”  I think that he’s actual opinion is just about the mess of love, rather than the in-eternality of love…

What are your views? Its quite interesting to learn more about love, since as advocates for peace, we keep advocating love, and here we face with a challenge. If any of you have understood the poem in much deeper depth, please do comment.


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August 7, 2007 | Filed Under Emotion,Literature,Philosophy 

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2 Responses to ““The Mess of Love” by D H Lawrence…”

  1. neha on March 30th, 2008

    Hey Mohan,
    A certain blog of yours on IIST led me here and to this poem…its a great one…though that probably is the least effective adjective I can ascribe to it!
    I think that Lawrence hasn’t really deviated from the traditional concept of love as eternal or magnificent. On the contrary I feel he’s grasped the true essence of love which is its mystique. Can one ever define love? Or point out its physical form? Love, I feel, is abstract, unnameable (if thats a word), you can’t describe it and you sure as hell can’t understand it. Love is straightforward and simple really, like Beenthoven’s fifth symphony if you listen to it with your eyes closed…you understand the music, its simple, its right, it fits! But if you go about dissecting your reaction and what led to it, if you study the notes and the exact hormanal reactions they trigger in your brain, you’re trying to put something that is abstract into words…and its hard to do so, you lose the romance of it all. I don’t know if you’ve read LM Montgomery but its like turning a romatic poem into harsh, unromantic prose.
    I guess what I’m trying to say is that the romance of love lies in its mystique, in its undescribable nature. And so long as you are in love, you are not bothered with who or what or why. But the second you try to put love down in words, that’s the moment you’ve lost it.
    “The moment the mind interferes with love, or the will fixes on it,
    Or the personality assumes it as an attribute, or the ego takes possession of it,
    It is not love any more, it’s just a mess.”
    Its not love anymore its all messed up because its not simple anymore, its a complex problem woven by the brain.

    But let me know what you think about it.

    Neha

  2. Mohan on April 23rd, 2008

    Interesting observation Neha.

    In short, you’re echoing an oft used crib in our Literature classes - why analyse and dissect a poem, song, or film - why not just enjoy it as it is?

    A very interesting Gestalt view.

    Your comments are slightly outside my current range of comprehension :D However, let me dwell on your thoughts… Leads me to another question - why do people start “dissecting your reaction and what led to it”? Why do people try to put all those abstract emotions to words?

    Maybe to conquer the emotions? Maybe they (including you and me) feel that if we can describe these emotions by something we command - i.e. words - we will be able to understand and command these emotions as well?

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